crystal
3 min readAug 17, 2021

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We’re Not Really Strangers: Self-Love Edition

I received the Self-Love edition today from the We’re Not Really Strangers card game. The instructions state to journal my answers so I did but I took it upon myself to take it a step further so here I am, typing out my very intimate and raw responses to share on the internet. Being an open book is so empowering to me and showing the highs and the lows of my life just makes me human. I’ve never claimed to be anything more than a 20-something year old woman trying to make light of the good, the bad, and the ugly parts in life.

As I make my way through this stack of cards, I’ll be sure to share my responses with whoever decides to follow along. I don’t expect many people to read this but if you are reading this, I hope that you can relate and know that this shit — am I allowed to cuss on here?— isn’t easy but it’s always worth it. Healing requires some introspection and this is me putting in the work and calling myself out on my own bullshit.

What does self love mean to me?

Self love to me, means to love myself the way I want to be loved. Self love is filling myself with all the nice words that I know I deserve. It’s feeling secure with the idea that who I am is enough. It’s knowing that no matter how things turn out, I will be OK because I will always have myself. I fill myself with positivity, safety, encouragement, patience, kindness, and understanding among many other things. Self love is having compassion with myself and being gentle when I make a mistake. Self love is accepting my perfectly imperfect human qualities. Self love is committing time to myself to do what brings me joy. Self love is appreciating my journey for where I’ve been and where I am now. Self love is being my #1 fan. Self love is looking at myself in the mirror and feeling the warmth coming from my light within. Self love is welcoming all the change that comes with growth. Self love is giving myself credit for how far I’ve come. Self love is knowing that I am enough and no one can take that from me. Self love is knowing that my value does not depend on anyone else because I am worthy.

What does self love not mean to me?

Self love is not running from my fears or avoiding the uncomfortableness (is it just me or does that not look right?) of life. Self love is not ignoring my faults. Self love is not toxic positivity. Self love is not avoiding conflict in order to have “comfort”. Self love is not allowing myself to “treat myself” as an avoidance/coping mechanism. Self love is not thinking I am perfect and without flaws. Self love is not excusing bad behavior. Self love is not allowing society to tell me who I am, how to live, or how to love myself. Self love is not allowing myself to remain in the same situations knowing damn well that I can change things if I put in the effort. Self love is not comparing myself to others. Self love is not resorting to previous bad habits. Self love is not allowing old patterns to continue because “that’s how I’ve always been/behaved.” Self love is NOT easy.

If I’m being totally transparent, my lack of self love was the reason I stayed in toxic — I don’t like using this word now because I feel like society has downplayed the definition and has normalized being “toxic” — relationships. I’m not only referring to romantic relationships either, I’m also talking about toxic relationships with people who I called friends and even with family (yes, as many people have come to realize, even family can be toxic).

The old me was constantly looking for love and acceptance in other people; if only the girl I once was had found the love within sooner it could have saved me so much heartache and sorrow. It wasn’t until this past year and a half (exactly 1.5 years ago today) that I made the commitment to truly figure out who Amy is, what she loves, how she wants to be loved, what she deserves, and how to find MY OWN happiness.

Self love isn’t easy, but this season of life has been my favorite so far. The beautiful thing about this journey is that once you start, there’s no stopping you.

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